Clear vs Muddy

What is the difference, and why is the difference?

--Far vs near vision
--Clarity vs confusion
--order vs chaos

If u have either you don't have other. Is the perception. Well infact all is muddy, chaotic, and confusing. Including clarity, and order.

Symbols?

Y'day I drew a painting right after coming from work. Even without taking off clothes, and taking a shower.

It has + like crosses all over. The christ type cross. I don't know what does that signify?

But cross, trishul, om, swastika, all are divine symbols and are very similar if you notice.

I wonder what does all these symbols mean? And how did they prop up in human conciousness?

Shortcut symbols for the almighty?

The will to live

It struck me that, the will to live must be present. A driving force that takes me on into the next engaging thing in life - be it anything grand or puny or stupid or intellectual. I don't seek any purpose, but if it unfolds without my knowing, its great. The intense will to live for something, anything. That makes going through days and nights like wonderful carribean cruise.

The stronger the will, the more fun it is. Just like with strong engine, the more zips you can make with your car on the road. And the more wilder the air appears.

The more felt the will, the greater the inclination of universe. It would seem that everything is meant for you - the sky, the wind, the earth, and various events that happen, happen for you.

Strange are the ways in which universe weclomes you.

Miracles?

I have seen some things happen in my life, which shake me up.

Like someone showing me clear signs of what to do next, and where to go. And off I went, and found I was being awaited, and without me things were incomplete.

Someone remembering me, and I saw their names in everything I interacted with. And then I found out they did remember with all their heart.

Things went wrong, and haywired with no hope of repair. Only to reveal a greater purpose unfolding. And reminding me of the delusion of right and wrong. Of transitory nature of manifestation.

I wished from my heart if this could happen, and it happened in such way perfect way.

If the feeling is strong enough to be painful and take you to the extent of insanity, it carries the power to get what you want - both good or bad, whatever, the universe doesn't care.

Quantum connections

How do I know how you feel? Why do I know what you feel?

Universe is such a piece of shit. Illusory are its spatial distances.

Seemingly distant things in space are so near.

And near things so far apart.

Things synchronize, synthesize according to a grand plan. Or they just blow off at the last moment. Why?

Probably noone will understand, what I am trying to say.

These particles or strings or waves for all that matters about matter are playing havoc with me.

Hidden Reality

We can not know beyond Heisenberg uncertainty limit, the certainty of either the velocity or position of a particle during measurement. The reality closes doors right there for further investigation.

Further the very act of measurement participates in precipitating the velocity, position, and spin attributes of the particle which is otherwise a wave with a probability distribution extending all over the universe.

Thus we never know if particles have definite values for velocity and position, before we actually measure them. And any act of measuring would interfere with the measurement itself.

God's way of saying no tresspassing in my domain?

Everything is a game?

Is everything in life some sort of game?

My everyday job. When I was asked what is your game plan to climb up? I had no answer. Struck by the observation that work is reduced to, looked at, valued by my game. Is work just this?

Seduction, a profound game. Who wouldn't accept this? History is filled by Casanovas. And tales of seduction.

Business. All these millionaire, billionaire folks talk in terms of game. Who is playing low ball, hard ball, soft ball? What is the next move?

Politics, the game of all games. As filthy and mean as it can get in any game.

Wars, the glorified, real, barbaric games.

A lion chasing a deer, becomes fight for survival game.

We play game all the time, even if we don't want to. Consciously forced to. Unconsciously programmed to.

Is living just playing game? Where does it originate? In our playful thoughts?

Beating of heart

Presence of some universal plan pervading through you results in increased heart beating. Like water rushing through hoses at high speeds makes it dance.

I am feeling increased heartbeat. I don't know why.

Or like I am railway line and a train is passing on top of me.

Some higher phenomena, overriding my default choices. Unbecoming myself, yet being me.

Dumbed, I am.

I am into the flow, and I am the flow, yet I am not aware who is guiding me, and where I am headed.

Colors of mind

I close my eyes, and snap I am floating in the imagination poool.

I touch millions, myriads, of colors.....small particle like dots, that if i try to focus on evade me. Yet I can see them all, and not one in particular.

Images taking form.
Images getting destroyed.
All merging into the colorful multi-dimensional matrix. Things emerging, things dissolving.

Things I have never seen in my real life.
Strange, awkward yet engaging, free forming, no extents, no gravity (no weight), you can move them or move yourself, change them if you want, add more colors or take them off, put them on water without sinking, or hang them in air, rotate them, play with them as you want, however you want. Destroy them into million pieces. And find the same thing again in each broken piece.

Who would have imagined this imagination pool? What would his imagination feel like?

If I open my brain all synapses, and nerves are just red, so where are these colors coming from?

Who put these images and things in my imagination, I silently ponder.

Bored from what?

Why we get bored?
When we get bored?
How we get bored?
What is getting bored?
Why it is something we want to avoid?

As humans we cannot maintain a steady interest in something that is not surprising us. We tend to get bored when we are alone, and there is no one to talk to. We tend to get bored when we are in middle of other humans, but what they talk about is very un-interesting. We tend to get bored with the same food menu everyday again and again. We tend to get bored with work if there is no challenge or no element of excitement.

Who we are?

Inside everyone is hidden a reptalian, mammalian, barbaric beast. Making 90% of the human iceberg. The rest 10% is sweet civilization coating. Taming the beast. But the beast is there lying dormat, untamed. Regress to it and you shall become it. Talk to the beast in others and they shall respond! In both good and bad ways. Its waiting for expression. Being overridden way too much by superfical human civilization.

Reminds me of Carl Jung's Collective Unconscious. [Read it if you haven't]

This beast within is responsible for most of our decisions. The minds are slave to it. Just like feathers to birds.

Ignorance is Power?

Acquiring knowledge is not always empowering and enlightening.

The world of ignorace is more free, and beautiful, and innocent. You are more free to choose, and create.

I feel sometimes knowledge does more harm than benefit. It is imprisoning you into concepts, and perceptions.

The hardest part is toconsciously choose to be ignorant. And say bye to knowledge.

Procastination

Posting things (to be done) in future.

What makes us undisciplined? Unconformist to the timely pressures? Because discipline, responsibility takes away the freedom necessary for thought and action?

The responsibility carries in its core the reasons, obligations, expectations, tons of burdens. And thus the mind is no longer free as it is doing something because of some external reason and not out of pure pleasure or curiosity or passion. And thus it rebels and makes us hate the task. The frivolent, effervescent mental spirit is doomed. The reactions is to procastinate.

Minds need to fly in order to create, explore and to really enjoy playing with the reality. And flying needs a free endless sky of no limits.

Waiting for the trains of Determinism, Fatalism to crush me over

Lets say determinism, fatalism is the universal truth. Every event in this material universe is already predicted. This would mean that position, and velocity of every fundamental particle (electrons, protons, neutrons) at given point in this universe is pre-determined. They are not free to have a different position, velocity at a given time. That is they are not free at all.

It means thus I am doomed to my destiny. Utterly bound to it. No matter what I do. What I don't do. Where I go. Whatever I think. I will meticulously reel out the destined through me. I can't avoid the eternal inevitability. However I may fight it. Deny it. Try to stop it. What is destined to happen will happen. And I with all my agreements or disagreements will only help the eternal destiny manifest its plan.

Some higher intelligence, processes have even determined my free-will. My intentions, inclinations, thoughts are pre-determined by some pre-pre-past. The free-will I experience is just superficial. Illusion.

What can I do?

Thus karma is something that I am pushed into. Pushed to intend good, bad, or nothing in my illusionary free-will.

What can I do?

Than just wait to be crushed by the fatal-train.....

The ecstasy of mind

Ecstasy! The mental sauna, the mattress of ultimate comfort! Who doesn't want it?

What should be input so that output is ecstasy?

Touch, Taste, Smell, Sight, Sound are five ways known to us for input. The five indriya. The five senses.

We abundantly play with our five senses, and attempt to experience the ecstasy all the time. All our actions, karmas are intended for it. Towards it. Anything else is meaningless, fruitless.

But our five sense are only five out of possibly infinite ways to reach the ecstasic state. What are the other ways? Who else other than humans is experiencing this cosmic-pleasure? Is it different than ours? More importantly better than ours? How can we know?

What happens in this pleasure? Where do we get transported to? Do we get tuned to certain frequency vibrations emitting off some stations of universe? Who is emitting them? What do I do to receive?

Where am I?

Asking this question to myself all through day brought me back to the present moment every time, and made the moments extremely relishing which otherwise would be lost in thinking over what happened, why it happened, who said what, who did what, why I did that?. It needs a conscious and free-willed decision. To interrupt the play of thoughts, and free up brain cycles. To grab the stolen attention back. Aggressively.

If I don't attend to the present moment, the present moment won't attend to me. And thus I am inevitably missing the life the present moments comes packed with.

Breaking-off the from past, future, and REACTING with the present moment....now! Where I cannot even think I am here, as by then I am not. Simply remind myself that "I am".

Brains at work, Do not disturb!

Synapses, Synapses and millions of them. Left and right hemispheres are so different, though the building blocks are same, the neuron cells. Is it just in their arrangement? That produces different types of specializations in both hemispheres? Left being language, logic, time aware, and right being holistic, creative, artistic and music aware. What makes them so different? How many other possible arrangements of cells could be there, that could result in different types of intelligent beings? Who knows! These brains drive us or we drive them? Who follows who? Who watches who?

Are they just the playground for thoughts?

All thinking happening in these tiny brain cells. All co-ordinations taking place, co-relations getting set, and multitude of parallel activities getting controlled, without our conscious awareness. Some infinitely profound mechanism must handle them. Is that mechanism our self-sub-conscious? How can we know what's happening inside our brains? Are there thoughts getting processed without even us being ware?

Messing with Karma!

what's the karma of an atom? Or of mosquito? Or the fly? Or of the sparrow? The fish? Do they even know it?

Is this an invisible ongoing never stopping review in progress? By the subconscious? What if I lose all my subconscious? Can I get free of karma?

If there is karma, the free-will is illusion. And vice versa. Because its the free-will that will lead me to results of my deeds. So not exactly free.

How has karma gotten evolved, I wonder.

Is following instincts good karma? Or is thinking good karma? Is sleeping and doing nothing good karma? What is bad afterall? Anything that comes to mind and doable is good.

If selfishness feels good, why it is bad?

Doing good for oneself. And thinking only of oneself, is how we are instinctively programmed. Now why it is bad? Why not be selfish, spend all the money you have on yourself, and have fun? Because God if at all he created us blessed us with selfishness, so why go against him? Or if we got evolved through a evolutionary process, that process is a selfish process in its core : Survial of the fittest, of the one who can best pursue his own interests and survive. The whole animal kingdom is selfish. A lion would not mercy on deers, or share his kill with fellow lions. And so do many other animals.

Its only after great levels of civilization, that we are able to think of others. Or able to show selflessness. Of doing good. And being not selfish. But that's just superficial and is not how we have evolved. We have the animal roots. The selflessness is a higher, newer process, requiring us to go against years of evolutionary programming. And how can we be selfless after all? What makes people feel good being selfless?

What if everyone got transformed and started to be selfless? No one will succeed to their goal, because success of someone means failures of many others. You cannot be selfless while fighting or competing. You have to be selfish. To defend, protect, yourself. And preserve yourself at cost others injuries, failures. And even destroy them if needed.

The obessession with the idea of God!

God everywhere in every being, non-being.
God in my mind,
God in my heart,
God in beauty,
God in beast,

Then where is me? Why is me? Who is me? Where is anything but God?