The first thing to be understood: mechanicalness is a necessity of life -- and your body has an inner mechanism. Colin Wilson has called it the inner robot, you have a robot within you. Once trained, once you are trained in anything, that training is passed to the robot. You can call it memory, you can call it mind, -- anything -- but the word robot is good because it is absolutely mechanical, automatic.
I am not against the robot. Go and give unto the robot whatsoever you learn, but remain the master. Do not allow the robot to become the master. This is the problem: the robot will try to be the master, because the robot is more efficient than you. Sooner or later the robot will say to you, "Be completely retired. You are not needed. I can do things more efficiently."
Remain the master. What can be done in order for you to remain the master of the robot? Only one thing is possible, and that is: sometimes, without any danger, take the reins into your hands. Tell the robot to relax, come into the seat, and drive the car -- without any danger, because in danger it is again automatic, the jerk, the replacement of the robot by you is automatic. You are driving: suddenly, without any necessity, tell the robot to relax. You come into the seat and drive the car. You are walking: suddenly remember and tell the body that "Now I will walk consciously. The robot is not allowed. I am the master and I will move the body consciously." You are hearing me: it is the robot part which is hearing me. Suddenly give a jerk to it; do not allow the mind to come in. Hear me directly, consciously.
What do I mean when I say hear consciously? When you are hearing unconsciously, you are just focused on me and you have forgotten yourself completely. I exist, the speaker exists, but the listener is unconscious. You are not aware of yourself as the listener. When I say take the reins in your hands, I mean be aware of the two points: the speaker and the listener. And if you are aware of the two points, the speaker and the listener, you have become the third -- the witness.
This witnessing will help you to remain the master. And if you are the master, your robot cannot disturb your life. It IS disturbing your life. Your total life has become a mess because of this robot. It helps, it is efficient, but it goes on taking everything from you -- even those things which should not be given to it.
You say, "I am not going to be angry again," but your saying it is meaningless because the robot is trained. And the training has been long, so just a sentence in the mind that "I am not going to be angry again," will not have any effect. This robot has been long trained. So next time when someone insults you, your decision not to be angry will be of no help. The robot will take charge immediately and the robot will do whatsoever it is trained to do. And then in the end, when the robot has done it, you will repent. But the difficulty, the deep difficulty is this, that even this repentance is done by the robot, because you have always done that -- after the anger you have repented. The robot has learned that trick also; it will repent, and again you will do the same thing. That is why many times you feel that you have done something, said something, behaved in a certain way, in spite of yourself.
What does this expression, `in spite of yourself,' mean? It means that there is another self within you which can act, which can do something in spite of you. Who is that self? The robot! What to do? Do not take vows that "I will not be angry again." They are self-defeating; they will not lead you anywhere. Rather, on the contrary, whatsoever you are doing, do it consciously. Take charge from the robot -- with any ordinary thing. When eating, eat consciously. Do not do it mechanically, as you have done every day. When smoking, smoke consciously. Do not allow your hand to move to the packet unconsciously, do not bring the cigarette out unconsciously. Be conscious, alert -- and there is a difference. I can raise my hand mechanically, just without any awareness; I can raise my hand with full awareness flowing in my hand. Try it! You will feel the difference. When you are aware, your hand will be raised very slowly, very silently, and you will feel that the hand is filled with the awareness. And when the hand is filled with the awareness, your mind will be thoughtless, because your whole awareness will have moved to the hand. Now no energy is left to think.
When you raise your hand automatically, mechanically, you go on thinking and your hand goes on moving. Who is moving that hand? Your robot. Move it yourself! Do it in the day at any time, any moment, while doing anything.
Take charge from the robot. Soon you will be able to have a mastery over the robot. But do not try it with difficult situations -- that is suicidal. We always try with difficult situations, but because of the difficulty you never win. Start with simple situations, where even if you are not so efficient no harm is going to result.
Try! Start with simple things such as walking. Try with this; there is no harm. You can say to the robot that "There is not going to be any harm. I am just walking, taking a walk, and I am not going anywhere -- just walking. So there is no need of you; I can be non-efficient."
And then be aware and walk slowly. Be filled with awareness throughout your whole body. When one foot moves, move with it. When one foot leaves the ground, leave the ground with it. When the other foot touches the ground, touch the ground with it. Be perfectly aware. Do not do anything else with the mind; just turn the whole mind into awareness.
It will be difficult because the robot will interfere continuously. Every moment the robot will try and will say, "What are you doing? I can do it better than you." And he CAN do it better. So try it with non-serious things, with non-complex things, simple things.
Buddha has told his disciples to walk, eat and sleep with awareness. If you can do these simple things, then you will also know how to enter into difficult things with awareness. Then you can try.
But we always try with difficult things; then we are defeated. Then the defeated feeling gives you a deep pessimism about yourself. You start thinking that you cannot do anything. That is very helpful for the robot. The robot will always help you to do something when you are in difficulty because then you are defeated. Then the robot can say to you, "Leave it to me. I can always do it better than you can do it."
Start with simple things. Zen Buddhists, Zen monks, have been so many times reported to have been doing this. When Bosho was asked, "What is your meditation? What is your SADHANA, spiritual practice?" he said, "When I feel hungry I eat and when I feel sleepy I go to sleep. This is all."
If you are a person -- alive, alert, aware -- you can have an authentic existence. If you are just a mechanical device, you cannot have any authentic existence. Each moment will change you; each situation will change you. You will be just a floating thing with no inner core, with no inner being. Awareness gives you the inner presence. Without it you feel that you are, but you are not.
Someone asked Buddha, "I want to serve humanity. Tell me how I can serve." Buddha looked at the man very deeply, penetratingly, with deep compassion, and then he said, "But where are YOU? WHO will serve humanity? You are not yet. First be, and when you are, you need not ask me. When you are, you will do something which just happens to you which is worth doing."
Gurdjieff noted that everyone comes with the notion that he is, that he already is. Someone came to Gurdjieff and asked, "I am very insane inside. My mind goes on in conflicts, in contradictions, so tell me what I can do to dissolve this mind, to have mental peace, inner calm." Gurdjieff said, "Do not think about the mind, you cannot do anything about it. The first thing is to be present. First YOU have to be; then you can do something. YOU are not."
What is meant by this "You are not?" It means that you are a robot, a mechanical thing, working according to mechanical laws. Start being alert. Join awareness with anything you are doing -- and start with simple things.
No comments:
Post a Comment