Clear vs Muddy

What is the difference, and why is the difference?

--Far vs near vision
--Clarity vs confusion
--order vs chaos

If u have either you don't have other. Is the perception. Well infact all is muddy, chaotic, and confusing. Including clarity, and order.

Symbols?

Y'day I drew a painting right after coming from work. Even without taking off clothes, and taking a shower.

It has + like crosses all over. The christ type cross. I don't know what does that signify?

But cross, trishul, om, swastika, all are divine symbols and are very similar if you notice.

I wonder what does all these symbols mean? And how did they prop up in human conciousness?

Shortcut symbols for the almighty?

The will to live

It struck me that, the will to live must be present. A driving force that takes me on into the next engaging thing in life - be it anything grand or puny or stupid or intellectual. I don't seek any purpose, but if it unfolds without my knowing, its great. The intense will to live for something, anything. That makes going through days and nights like wonderful carribean cruise.

The stronger the will, the more fun it is. Just like with strong engine, the more zips you can make with your car on the road. And the more wilder the air appears.

The more felt the will, the greater the inclination of universe. It would seem that everything is meant for you - the sky, the wind, the earth, and various events that happen, happen for you.

Strange are the ways in which universe weclomes you.

Miracles?

I have seen some things happen in my life, which shake me up.

Like someone showing me clear signs of what to do next, and where to go. And off I went, and found I was being awaited, and without me things were incomplete.

Someone remembering me, and I saw their names in everything I interacted with. And then I found out they did remember with all their heart.

Things went wrong, and haywired with no hope of repair. Only to reveal a greater purpose unfolding. And reminding me of the delusion of right and wrong. Of transitory nature of manifestation.

I wished from my heart if this could happen, and it happened in such way perfect way.

If the feeling is strong enough to be painful and take you to the extent of insanity, it carries the power to get what you want - both good or bad, whatever, the universe doesn't care.

Quantum connections

How do I know how you feel? Why do I know what you feel?

Universe is such a piece of shit. Illusory are its spatial distances.

Seemingly distant things in space are so near.

And near things so far apart.

Things synchronize, synthesize according to a grand plan. Or they just blow off at the last moment. Why?

Probably noone will understand, what I am trying to say.

These particles or strings or waves for all that matters about matter are playing havoc with me.

Hidden Reality

We can not know beyond Heisenberg uncertainty limit, the certainty of either the velocity or position of a particle during measurement. The reality closes doors right there for further investigation.

Further the very act of measurement participates in precipitating the velocity, position, and spin attributes of the particle which is otherwise a wave with a probability distribution extending all over the universe.

Thus we never know if particles have definite values for velocity and position, before we actually measure them. And any act of measuring would interfere with the measurement itself.

God's way of saying no tresspassing in my domain?

Everything is a game?

Is everything in life some sort of game?

My everyday job. When I was asked what is your game plan to climb up? I had no answer. Struck by the observation that work is reduced to, looked at, valued by my game. Is work just this?

Seduction, a profound game. Who wouldn't accept this? History is filled by Casanovas. And tales of seduction.

Business. All these millionaire, billionaire folks talk in terms of game. Who is playing low ball, hard ball, soft ball? What is the next move?

Politics, the game of all games. As filthy and mean as it can get in any game.

Wars, the glorified, real, barbaric games.

A lion chasing a deer, becomes fight for survival game.

We play game all the time, even if we don't want to. Consciously forced to. Unconsciously programmed to.

Is living just playing game? Where does it originate? In our playful thoughts?

Beating of heart

Presence of some universal plan pervading through you results in increased heart beating. Like water rushing through hoses at high speeds makes it dance.

I am feeling increased heartbeat. I don't know why.

Or like I am railway line and a train is passing on top of me.

Some higher phenomena, overriding my default choices. Unbecoming myself, yet being me.

Dumbed, I am.

I am into the flow, and I am the flow, yet I am not aware who is guiding me, and where I am headed.

Colors of mind

I close my eyes, and snap I am floating in the imagination poool.

I touch millions, myriads, of colors.....small particle like dots, that if i try to focus on evade me. Yet I can see them all, and not one in particular.

Images taking form.
Images getting destroyed.
All merging into the colorful multi-dimensional matrix. Things emerging, things dissolving.

Things I have never seen in my real life.
Strange, awkward yet engaging, free forming, no extents, no gravity (no weight), you can move them or move yourself, change them if you want, add more colors or take them off, put them on water without sinking, or hang them in air, rotate them, play with them as you want, however you want. Destroy them into million pieces. And find the same thing again in each broken piece.

Who would have imagined this imagination pool? What would his imagination feel like?

If I open my brain all synapses, and nerves are just red, so where are these colors coming from?

Who put these images and things in my imagination, I silently ponder.

Bored from what?

Why we get bored?
When we get bored?
How we get bored?
What is getting bored?
Why it is something we want to avoid?

As humans we cannot maintain a steady interest in something that is not surprising us. We tend to get bored when we are alone, and there is no one to talk to. We tend to get bored when we are in middle of other humans, but what they talk about is very un-interesting. We tend to get bored with the same food menu everyday again and again. We tend to get bored with work if there is no challenge or no element of excitement.

Who we are?

Inside everyone is hidden a reptalian, mammalian, barbaric beast. Making 90% of the human iceberg. The rest 10% is sweet civilization coating. Taming the beast. But the beast is there lying dormat, untamed. Regress to it and you shall become it. Talk to the beast in others and they shall respond! In both good and bad ways. Its waiting for expression. Being overridden way too much by superfical human civilization.

Reminds me of Carl Jung's Collective Unconscious. [Read it if you haven't]

This beast within is responsible for most of our decisions. The minds are slave to it. Just like feathers to birds.

Ignorance is Power?

Acquiring knowledge is not always empowering and enlightening.

The world of ignorace is more free, and beautiful, and innocent. You are more free to choose, and create.

I feel sometimes knowledge does more harm than benefit. It is imprisoning you into concepts, and perceptions.

The hardest part is toconsciously choose to be ignorant. And say bye to knowledge.

Procastination

Posting things (to be done) in future.

What makes us undisciplined? Unconformist to the timely pressures? Because discipline, responsibility takes away the freedom necessary for thought and action?

The responsibility carries in its core the reasons, obligations, expectations, tons of burdens. And thus the mind is no longer free as it is doing something because of some external reason and not out of pure pleasure or curiosity or passion. And thus it rebels and makes us hate the task. The frivolent, effervescent mental spirit is doomed. The reactions is to procastinate.

Minds need to fly in order to create, explore and to really enjoy playing with the reality. And flying needs a free endless sky of no limits.

Waiting for the trains of Determinism, Fatalism to crush me over

Lets say determinism, fatalism is the universal truth. Every event in this material universe is already predicted. This would mean that position, and velocity of every fundamental particle (electrons, protons, neutrons) at given point in this universe is pre-determined. They are not free to have a different position, velocity at a given time. That is they are not free at all.

It means thus I am doomed to my destiny. Utterly bound to it. No matter what I do. What I don't do. Where I go. Whatever I think. I will meticulously reel out the destined through me. I can't avoid the eternal inevitability. However I may fight it. Deny it. Try to stop it. What is destined to happen will happen. And I with all my agreements or disagreements will only help the eternal destiny manifest its plan.

Some higher intelligence, processes have even determined my free-will. My intentions, inclinations, thoughts are pre-determined by some pre-pre-past. The free-will I experience is just superficial. Illusion.

What can I do?

Thus karma is something that I am pushed into. Pushed to intend good, bad, or nothing in my illusionary free-will.

What can I do?

Than just wait to be crushed by the fatal-train.....

The ecstasy of mind

Ecstasy! The mental sauna, the mattress of ultimate comfort! Who doesn't want it?

What should be input so that output is ecstasy?

Touch, Taste, Smell, Sight, Sound are five ways known to us for input. The five indriya. The five senses.

We abundantly play with our five senses, and attempt to experience the ecstasy all the time. All our actions, karmas are intended for it. Towards it. Anything else is meaningless, fruitless.

But our five sense are only five out of possibly infinite ways to reach the ecstasic state. What are the other ways? Who else other than humans is experiencing this cosmic-pleasure? Is it different than ours? More importantly better than ours? How can we know?

What happens in this pleasure? Where do we get transported to? Do we get tuned to certain frequency vibrations emitting off some stations of universe? Who is emitting them? What do I do to receive?

Where am I?

Asking this question to myself all through day brought me back to the present moment every time, and made the moments extremely relishing which otherwise would be lost in thinking over what happened, why it happened, who said what, who did what, why I did that?. It needs a conscious and free-willed decision. To interrupt the play of thoughts, and free up brain cycles. To grab the stolen attention back. Aggressively.

If I don't attend to the present moment, the present moment won't attend to me. And thus I am inevitably missing the life the present moments comes packed with.

Breaking-off the from past, future, and REACTING with the present moment....now! Where I cannot even think I am here, as by then I am not. Simply remind myself that "I am".

Brains at work, Do not disturb!

Synapses, Synapses and millions of them. Left and right hemispheres are so different, though the building blocks are same, the neuron cells. Is it just in their arrangement? That produces different types of specializations in both hemispheres? Left being language, logic, time aware, and right being holistic, creative, artistic and music aware. What makes them so different? How many other possible arrangements of cells could be there, that could result in different types of intelligent beings? Who knows! These brains drive us or we drive them? Who follows who? Who watches who?

Are they just the playground for thoughts?

All thinking happening in these tiny brain cells. All co-ordinations taking place, co-relations getting set, and multitude of parallel activities getting controlled, without our conscious awareness. Some infinitely profound mechanism must handle them. Is that mechanism our self-sub-conscious? How can we know what's happening inside our brains? Are there thoughts getting processed without even us being ware?

Messing with Karma!

what's the karma of an atom? Or of mosquito? Or the fly? Or of the sparrow? The fish? Do they even know it?

Is this an invisible ongoing never stopping review in progress? By the subconscious? What if I lose all my subconscious? Can I get free of karma?

If there is karma, the free-will is illusion. And vice versa. Because its the free-will that will lead me to results of my deeds. So not exactly free.

How has karma gotten evolved, I wonder.

Is following instincts good karma? Or is thinking good karma? Is sleeping and doing nothing good karma? What is bad afterall? Anything that comes to mind and doable is good.

If selfishness feels good, why it is bad?

Doing good for oneself. And thinking only of oneself, is how we are instinctively programmed. Now why it is bad? Why not be selfish, spend all the money you have on yourself, and have fun? Because God if at all he created us blessed us with selfishness, so why go against him? Or if we got evolved through a evolutionary process, that process is a selfish process in its core : Survial of the fittest, of the one who can best pursue his own interests and survive. The whole animal kingdom is selfish. A lion would not mercy on deers, or share his kill with fellow lions. And so do many other animals.

Its only after great levels of civilization, that we are able to think of others. Or able to show selflessness. Of doing good. And being not selfish. But that's just superficial and is not how we have evolved. We have the animal roots. The selflessness is a higher, newer process, requiring us to go against years of evolutionary programming. And how can we be selfless after all? What makes people feel good being selfless?

What if everyone got transformed and started to be selfless? No one will succeed to their goal, because success of someone means failures of many others. You cannot be selfless while fighting or competing. You have to be selfish. To defend, protect, yourself. And preserve yourself at cost others injuries, failures. And even destroy them if needed.

The obessession with the idea of God!

God everywhere in every being, non-being.
God in my mind,
God in my heart,
God in beauty,
God in beast,

Then where is me? Why is me? Who is me? Where is anything but God?

How do we know anything?

What it means to know something at very fundamental level? An atom knows about another atom? Knows about itself? Certain energy state gets known to an atom? What gets known? To whom? And what's the point of knowing after all? There is nothing that an atom can know about another atom. The atom has to know itself first. But what an atom should know about itself? Its own state or structure? Can knowing this for an atom make a difference in its state? Else how would atom know it has known something. It must preserve the knowledge about itself in its own state, altering its existing state. If it does then the atom's knowledge about its state goes inconsistent with its own new state which is preserving the knowledge. Contradiction! So puny little atoms can't really know anything? Can they? Who knows then, if not atoms?

How do we remember? Some atomic or sub-atomic nuclear phenomena preserves sounds, images, sensatation, smells, perfumes? What does it mean for a nuclear particle to remember anything? Or a group of nuclear particles? Do they know what they are remembering? Who knows?

What is this damn consciousness?

I am me.

I am aware that I am thinking of being me.

I am aware that I have self awareness of being myself.

I am aware that I am self-aware of my self-awareness of being myself.

....................

..........................

Where does it end?

You are here to get confused, and over and over again!

Our brains are mess of nerves, and shit load of random looking disoriented connections. Now what can come out of it? More mess! The clarity of thought is our ultimate illusion. Brains have evolved to help us survive across dark and ice ages. They were never subjected for development of clarity of thought. So unless we are fighting for survival or a goal, confusion prevails. Brain doesn't know what to do.

Brains are ultimate learning machines. They would just learn anything that they come across, whether it is right or wrong, irrespective. The brain is truly impartial. Unless you consciously interfere with it to filter learning to good or bad things. Its like a devil running around a pole to get some work.

So as long you are not moving towards a goal, you will learn a lot of junk. Because brain is not subjected to its real trial. The junk learning is just side effect of brain not going to sleep.

Thus, confusion is not bad. Its is the natural, normal state of the brain. You don't always move towards a goal. The confusion is the state of relaxation. Enjoy it. There is plenty of it and free!

Your Mind and Body is an expression of urges

An ocean of urges inside me. Like all types of fishes swimming in the free ocean. Some irresistable and unstoppable, jumping out of me, like the killer whales arch out of the waters. Some deep, and suppressed lurking on my ocean floor. Some moving up and down with impatience. Some Big like blue whales, some small like tuna, all created by my subconscious. Chaotic playground isn't it? Each trying to fulfill itself. Can I do anything but just help keep them lined up in order and magnitude, and just to be fair with each one? And at the same time be aware that manifesting them is not so culture friendly. And if I don't they eat me inside. Feeling heaving with urges! Like an entire ocean weight in my brain.

Criss-cross they, and override my culture-trained mind and tamed body. Bringing with them, flood of wild thoughts. And I am no longer the human body. Someone has gotten inside me. Body rebels like a caged animal. The superficial culture coats erodes smoothly. And I am naked in my mind. Nothing feels sooooo good. To absolutely act out. Erupting, Expressing, and doing so with intense energy. Which is what the urges are. Energy seeds locked up in you wanting to bloom out.

What is the mind meant for after all? To fulfill all the urges. Any other better pleasurable pursuit than this? :)

Problem of Space!

What is space? What could constitute space in which everything exists? Is there a place where space doesn't exist? Is any point in space exactly same as any other point? We have no clue! where are we in space? What is the smallest unit of space? Are there more dimensions in space then just 3? Which we cannot sense? And what could exist in those dimensions? And what additionaly exists in 3 dimensions which we cannot sense? Does space has absolutely nothing if it has vaccuum? Atleast there is space! But what it is?

What are the limits of space? If it is limiteless, why it is? And if it is limited, then what's outside it?

Anything that travels must travel in space. Heat, light, sounds, and even thoughts waves. Is there anything which cannot travel in space? Can space travel itself? Or space is always fixed? What are the properties of space?

Creater, Destroyer, And Preserver, They are Dancing in Delight forever!

Someone must create atleast the first atom, (of hydrogen/helium) necessary to create stars. Who did? Let's say The Creator.

Someone must destroy atoms back to whatever they were created from, to obey conservation and to put check on creation. Who does? Let's say The Destroyer.

Someone must preserve existing creation from being destroyed. Who does? Let's say The Preserver.

Now who created the Creator? Can creator be created? If yes, then we need a super creator to create the creator. So creator cannot be created. And since creator cannot be created he is not subject to destruction like his creation. Hence creator can neither be created or destroyed. And thus not even subject to preservation, because it cannot be destroyed.

Who created the destroyer? Can destroyer be created? If yes, then destroyer is no better than rest of creation, and is subject to destruction like rest of creation. But Destroyer should be someone who cannot be destroyed, because if he can be, then we need a Super Destroyer to destroy the destroyer. Hence, Destroyer cannot be created or destroyed either. And thus not even subject to preservation, because it cannot be destroyed.

Who created the preserver? Cannot be creator because preserver cannot be destroyed. If he were to be destroyed, then how will he preserve the creation? If preserver were to be created, we need a super preserver to preserve preserver himself! We cannot have a super preserver for preserver. Hence preserver cannot be created, or destroyed.

These three devils or angels, sustain the melodrama, and orchestrate all reality to their whims, and fantasies. Each independent of the others, and yet their actions harmonize into this beautiful universe!

Without creator, there is no creation and thus no need for preserver or destroyer.
Without destroyer, there would be no new creation, stalling the creator.
Without preserver, there would be no manifestation of creation. Creator and destroyer would almost crash into each other.

Creation and Destruction give birth to each other. In creation, there are seeds of destruction, and in destruction seeds of new creation. Nothing lasts forever except for the delightful competition amongst the creator, the preserver, and the destroyer!

Tinker with FreeWill?

Am I given freedom of natural thought? Can I pause, play, rewind? No!! What can I do? When I think, is it me who thinks? Who thinks after all? Is it some electron energy level changes in atoms? Or some hyperspace changes within me? How thinking happens? If my conscious will is not involved in that, how can I be free? Else if I am free, then my conscious will has the ability to affect the atoms responsible for thought.

I am free to believe that I am free. But am I really?

There must be some thought-generator mechanism inside us. We just can't be without them. Resorting to all possible meditations to shut up the never-ending clamoring dancing, playing, thoughts. Thought give birth to reality through us. So they have profound effect on us. On what we become. But yet we have not much control except to give context to our thoughts by state of worldly existence. And they start spinning in that color. To aid us deal with things.

It seems thoughts are more powerful than us. We are just executors.

How I can control thoughts? Can they be controlled? Looks like a wild monkey to chase. Who knows!

Observing the fragile universe. How it is working?

Nothing happens without someone wanting it to happen. Neither the wind blows, nor the volcanoes erupt. Not even the leaves fall off the tree without the wind rushing past them, and earth pulling them down. Something must trigger. Somebody must have thought of them. To me, it seems every single thing has its orgin in thoughts or wants. So, how did the universe creation got triggered? Randomly? Or someone deliberately and elaborately thought of it. Of perfect proportions of elements for life to exist on this planet? The location of sun, and the moon, and the planets. Why us got created? Someone must want us. To be who we are. This is apart from our evolutionary adaptations to the environment. Of what cosmic significance we are? Is there a role we are meant for? Lots of us, and lots of us. What are we gonna do? Purpose? What makes us seek purpose? Get Born, Eat, Procreate, Fight, Die, Is that it? Are we the thinker ourselves? How do we know?

We are a manifest of matter and energy which all the time transit into each other. What state of energy are we in?

The universe is slave to gravity and thought. Now what this angelic or devilish forces are? If you are the star, you can manipulate the environment around you. Create your own planets! And create any kind of life you want, choose your own elements.

Can our thoughts change the direction of universe? Temper, Tinker with it?

Who must have created thoughts? What would be the first thought? And in whom?

I remember the oft quoted saying what you think you become.. What if I am the universe?

Book about how to live life defiantly? There can be no book.

Observing the fragile universe. How it is working?
Your Mind and Body is an expression of urges
Break through the web of social conditioning, and experiment.
You and Universe? Separated, United.
Ways the universe rewards you.
Ways of universe: Be careful what you ask.
Power of thoughts? The origin of which you have no power.
Why do good to others? When should you stop?
Why Expressing Denial is painful?
Suppression is harmful, vent out your crap, do not sink, float, or you won't see anything else happening.
If selfishness feels good, why it is bad?
unconscious Processes against your conscious rules, whims
God, Ohh God! God Damn it! Who are we talking to? How do you get heard?
Why have fetishes? What could be they? How to enjoy?
Ever question Why me? Why I, I got fucked?
What Rocks? And why Rock Stars Rock?
What happens if we all die? No one to Pray? Does God exist then? For what?
Right or wrong? ummm, Get over it!
Extreme pain and extreme pleasure, rest is wait.
Running after Time? Make time run after you. Create times.
Free will? Experience various degrees of it. God can't mess with you even if He wanted to.
Fear? Noone is without it. Cling to your instincts, scream if you want to, run baby run!
Truth sets you free. Get out of prisons.
Walk with naked mind, no inhibitions.
Invent pleasure, and pain.
Invert pleasure, and pain, they have seeds of each other
society is just a system for those who stick with the default choices
Whatever thrills you, write about it.
What happens when you pray?
Doing Nothing, break off with your conditional impulses, freeing your mind.
Why free the mind? Why do you like music?
Internalizing Time, why it is bad?

Multiple Personality, why just 1?
What money can do, and what it can't
Imitating society, 99.99% of the time
Animal Goals, Simple Goals
Why I am not like the wire of the Guitar? The wing of the birds.
Everyone else is animal too, they just hide it too well
Humans don't like change, but it is inevitable, and for the good and the bad.
Enjoying the falling leaves, gravitation at work!
Tinker with thoughts?
Why everyone likes the alternate state of mind? Smoke, Alcohol, Music, Tobacco, Dance, Pot?
Bored from what?
Tons of regret, and Tons of guilt, and still room for more. We are made for it baby.
Cleanup emotional baggage how?
Love, Love, Love, Love, nothing better than it
Intention and Act
You are the King, the Queen
Why doing the same thing for someone else and not yourself makes it noble?
All this talk is mind, where is talk of the heart?
Freeing the mind is like Flying, developing wings, and having an aerial view
-Freeing the left mind, the right mind?
Living without mind, just by instinct like fishes and sparrows and squirrels
Rewiring? Is that possible?
Procastination